TMZ reports

So in another capacity, perhaps I work for lyke an outfit such as TMZ.

At Kings College I often have a particular routine.  I drive into campus every day in my Matrix car.  Neo, follow the white rabbit.  Trinity, make sure he doan look at a woman in a red dress.  Oh, he looked.  Again, Neo.
I have an attic apartment.  Flowers in the Attic.  I drive into campus every day with my books and my gym bag.  I get my Starbuck's Caramel Machiatto and my Chocolate Croissant or Nutella Croissant and then I sit in the quad and read my email on a device.  Then I go to the gym and take out a couple of brand new, off-the-press celeb mags.  I get on the treadmill and look at all the mags.  I also get on the step-climber and look at all the mags.  Most of the time I'm thinking to myself, "What?  Huh?  They broke up?  The Nanny?  What?  Oh, this is terrible.  This will nae do."
And then I pack up everything and go to the lounge and send missives off to the Matrix about what terrible news I am reading about in the mags.
So lyke Ethan and Uma were nae suppose to break up.  Ethan w/the nanny?  WHAT?!!
And lyke Depp and Ryder were so going strong.  I thought after the model he'd return to her, but instead he change his tattoo to "Wino forever".  I was lyke, WHAT?!!
And Keanu?  I barely see anything about him.  Either it's blocked from my memory or he just never shows up on my radar during particular times.
Phoenix?  His love is Huh?
I was devastated by the news, Phoenix b/c it is nae suppose to happen to you. You are one of Emmaruth's chosen, just lyke Depp and Ryder and Ethan and Uma... Oh, Keanu too until he does 'Constantine'.  b/c I was lyke why do you do 'Devil's Advocate'... 'I slept w/my sister!'  and then 'Constantine'.   But you fix it by doing 'My Private Idaho'... I was lyke... good, on the track...
You all are my chosen... I doan noes wha happens...
It should be Ethan and Uma.  It should be Depp and Ryder.  It should be Phoenix and ...
It should be Reeves and Syme - Jennifer yes?  b/c base on the info. I'm fielding it tells such a tragic, sad story and I would nae waen that for any of my chosen
Phoenix and Plimpton...
Emmaruth and Montaign
Duh

~emmaruth allaire reeves